I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I understand Curling. That high.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just invented taco cereal.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
