ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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