i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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