I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
