Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
