Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
