it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
