Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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