I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
