she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
