well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
