For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
