it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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