so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
