i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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