I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
