we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
