The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
