He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
