i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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