Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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