im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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