He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
