I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
