i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
