I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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