And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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