So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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