i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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