Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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