I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
