Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
