I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
