im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
