He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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