I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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