If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
