Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
