no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
