Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
