Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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