i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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