So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
