the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
