I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
