i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
