Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
