Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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