i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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