I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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