I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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