my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
