New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
