my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
